Darkest Days of My Life...Continued.

 A few short seconds after he was born! Weighing in at 6 lbs 14 ounces was my beautiful, healthy baby boy! David Rich Curd

 Within a few hours I had several visitors meeting David for the first time! My former boss/children's pastor at FBCJ...Brother Michael! 

 Grandma Sherry holding baby David.

 Uncle Perry and Aunt Becca meet David for the first time!

 This was shortly after I had him. Within the hour or so. I couldn't FATHOM that this was my little boy and I was finally, after 9 very long months, holding him!

 Charlie holding and meeting baby David.

 Same day he was born, you can tell his fingers are still purple. Yes, he has all five fingers. The other two are around there somewhere. I LOVE this picture.

 Beautiful Hannah came to see Baby David! So did Tommy, Shelly, and Matt! Lots of people came the same night he was born!

 

Our pastor, Brother David Royalty holding baby. 

 Grandma Paula meet Baby.

 Papa Keith

 I am amazed by the perspective of this picture! You can see how TINY he is compared to my hand!

 Friends for life!

If you've never had Stacia's cookies, the BEST time to try them is right after you've delivered a baby. Best thing I could've put in my mouth ever. I will always have a special affinity for those cookies! 

So where do I begin? I finally delivered David! SO excited! I thought all my blood pressure troubles were over and my baby was safely here and life was good! I just had to learn to breastfeed and never sleep. By the way, side note, there were lots more precious people who came to visit David the first night and while we were in the hospital but I can't find all the pictures. I just had a baby, so it wasn't MY job to take the pics.. haha! My grandparents came, Jospeh Taylor came, Dana and Sarah were my very first visitors, etc, etc. 

After you have your baby they move you from the delivery room to the postpartum floor. Usually you stay two to three nights depending on what time you had your baby and then you get to go home and enjoy your task of parenting for the next 18 some odd years. That night we had SO many visitors. Also, I wasn't sure about feeding baby. I was trying to breastfeed and every time I tried someone would come! We were having a hard time latching on. Lactation nurses kept telling me it wouldn't hurt. Boy, were they wrong! I was starting to feel VERY stressed out. But it was all under the surface. I was overwhelmed that every three hours I had to feed my baby. We let him sleep in the nursery most of the night, but they would bring him to me and it was take an hour to try and breastfeed, then pump, then call the nursery to come get him. Needless to say, I didn't sleep the night before having baby NOR did I sleep the night after...I didn't sleep for the next week. I'm not even joking with you. After I had the baby they did several post partum checks throughout the night. Several times my blood pressure was still 130's/80's or 140's/80's. I cracked it up to the fact that my BP had been high for months so it wasn't going to all of the sudden come down immediately AND I get so nervous every time they take it. I started feeling very woozy, even lightheaded, and wracked it up to having NO sleep in two days after delivering a child. 

Tuesday would've been the day we were sent home. We'd taken the little newborn class they make you take. David was healthy, other than not pooping enough. He'd been circumcised and was healing fine. They came in to take my blood pressure and decided that I needed to stay another day so they might monitor it.Being at the hospital was the most stressful thing I can think of. Between visitors, ordering breakfast, lunch, and dinner from the cafeteria, feeding David every three hours, PLUS pumping after each feeding because usually he didn't latch on... there was no time for sleep. I would finish one thing and it would literally be time to do something else. Tuesday I got up mid morning and took a shower and even tried to do my hair and make up. I wasn't feeling like myself (I just thought it was because I'd had a baby the day before), so I didn't finish getting ready. I remember one time during the day on Tuesday my mom tried to walk me around the corridor of the hospital. Just around the wing we were in, and I got really lightheaded and the room was spinning for a minute. I wondered about my BP but I also thought I might just be weak. I knew something was off a little bit, but I didn't have any of the normal indicators. Headache, seeing spots, blurred vision, stomach ache, nausea, or vomiting or diarrhea. Those things happen if your blood pressure is too high. It can cause stroke or seizure and the latter symptoms are related to liver and kidney function when BP is too high. Anyway, that night around midnight a Nurse Tech came in to get my stats. I was sleeping so I was pretty calm and she read my BP aloud which was 168/110. She said, "Oh my God! You are just sleeping!!" She kept saying that. Let me tell you, that did NOT, did NOT, did NOT help my anxiety level. By Wednesday morning, I had a doctor come in and explain to me that sometimes blood pressures rise AFTER you have a baby when your body is trying to rid itself of all the fluid and can't properly do so quick enough. They said it usually peeks two to three days postpartum and then recedes to normal. They started my on a medicine called Lebatalol (I have no idea how to spell that) hoping my BP would come down. The next time a nurse came in the take my BP was the scariest thing that's ever happened to me. My blood pressure rose to 197/110ish and I was immediately rushed back up to labor and delivery (as immediate as hospital goes, by that I mean, within an hour or so). They hooked me up to an IV called Magnesium Sulfate which is an all over body muscle relaxer. It literally HEATS your body up from the inside out. This is an anti-seizure medication. OH and did I mention that Wednesday morning they decided that Baby David's jaundice levels were too high and he needed to be put under the lights? Yeah, my Wednesday hospital experience sucked. No other way to put it. Not only was the hospital the LAST place I wanted to be, but I was TERRIFIED for my life. I KNOW from the outside looking in that this does not sound that scary. But keep in mind the hormonal fluctuation of a woman who just had a baby and the anxiety that can occur from that alone! I was on anti-seizure medication for crying out loud and my baby was facing possible liver failure. I know a ton of babies get jaundiced. But he just wasn't pooping. It was scary! So I guess I should mention the amazing thing about all this. They kept running labs on me because as high as my BP got, I never had all the symptoms of preeclampsia. But they were officially diagnosing me with POSTPARTUM PREECLAMPSIA. Two very scary words for me. My liver and kidney function were perfect. The numbers veered off just a tad, but nothing crazy. Never any protein in my urine. Thank God, I never had a seizure or a stroke. Once you have a seizure you are diagnosed with ECLAMPSIA and then it gets really serious when your red blood cells stop doing their job and that's called HELP disease. That was the biggest fear. Anyway, I spent the  next 36 hours on Mag. It was absolutely miserable. Like I said, HOT from the inside out. I did get some rest, but still no sleep. Here's the hard part. I cannot tell you how dark and lonely a hospital room is at night. Calvin was always there, sleeping on the couch. But if you know my husband then you know he doesn't wake up for ANYTHING! I had to get up every three hours while on this crazy medication and pump. I pumped and pumped and pumped. Sent the milk up to the nursery. I hadn't seen my baby in over a day. They started me on another medication called procardia. So now I was on anti-seizure meds and TWO blood pressure meds. On Thursday morning the doctor came in and explained that postpartum preeclampsia is caused by the dad! Haha... my body's reaction to the protein in Calvin's sperm. My body was exposed to the conception matter through delivery and yada yada yada you get the picture. She did say that there is a much lower percentage of that happening again to a woman who gives birth to a child with the SAME MAN! Luckily, I plan on having lots of more kids with Calvin. If I can get over my fear of Blood Pressure Cuffs. Anyway, every couple of hours a nurse would come in and check my BP! FINALLY, the doctor ordered (my doctor that new my anxiety tendencies) that the nurses take it manually (instead of with that stupid computer one that goes off by itself every few minutes). I would tell all the nurses that if you just took it twice it would go down! They would take it and it would be 150's to 160's to 170's over 80's and 90's. Mostly 90's. Several times I had to get my meds upgraded. They would increase the dosage. 

I thought that as I blogged I would want to go into all the details. But I don't. It's really not all that interesting. You must know this: The scariest times of my life were at night in the hospital. My baby was under lights and I couldn't see him. He went under lights on Wednesday for 24 hours, brought him back to us on Thursday, back under lights on Friday, Saturday with us and on Sunday we went home. I also should mention that the very FIRST TIME I saw MY doctor (there were about 5 in the practice I went to) was on Saturday and Sunday of our week long hospital stay. So it wasn't until Saturday that I was FINALLY a little more stabilized and moved back up to the postpartum floor. Here's the deal: they told me I was out of the woods for seizures and stroke and my kidney and liver were working perfectly pretty much. But my BP was still running high. Sunday morning my BP was 150/110 or something like that. Dr. Cassidy came in to see me on Sunday morning and by this time I was begging to go home. I knew the medicines were NOT working in the hospital because I was NEVER going to get over my anxiousness and nervousness. I just knew I HAD to get home. I hadn't slept in a week! Dr. Cassidy came in on Sunday morning and took my BP herself! She told me to calm down and we got a reading of 148/88 or something like that. I think she realized that if I could just go home and calm down it would be better. She told me, "Look, I have a very hard time sending someone home with BP that's 150/110, but I know you and what you did at the office every time. I'm going to send you home against my better judgment." It was the LONGEST Sunday of my life. The nurse took ALL day to get the paperwork together so I could go home. The pediatrician, I will NEVER forget this and how wonderful she is, timed it perfectly to where David could go home the same time as me. He stayed admitted to the hospital the entire week, too! 

They read me (a hypochondriac to the nth degree) off a list of all the symptoms that if they should occur I should come straight to the ER! They read me off a list of symptoms to look for in David too should he need to come to the ER! What a wonderful note to leave on. I'm not going to say that once I got home life got better. It didn't. I had a day where my BP shot back up to 180/120 or so. Had to up my meds and call the dr. SO thankful I recognized the feeling, told my dad who happened to be visiting that day, and had medication on hand. That was the only time that happened. After 8 weeks I was completely off of BP meds and THEN I started to feel peace again. Live normally again.

My biggest fear was that God wasn't there. It felt like He wasn't even if my faith knew He was. Alone in the hospital at night, completely terrified and afraid, I would try to pray. I knew that claiming the promises of God was the only way out of the darkness. I did that, even though I didn't FEEL God nor did I FEEL His peace or promises taking over. I look back on that horrible experience and know now that if I had delivered David perfectly, went home without a problem in the world, I probably would've given myself all the credit. I always wanted to be supermom. Well, she doesn't exist. God sent me people to comfort me. Calvin was the biggest help I can imagine. The most wonderful father to our son. My dad and grandparents came and stayed with me during the day every now and then. I had visitors and friends. My mom came over almost every day. If it weren't for her I would literally NOT have made it. God gave me a wonderful mother who, at the perfect time, was there and is there when I need her the most. She represents HIS comfort and protection! 

My hearts desire is and has always been to have a big family. I always say when asked how many kids I want: 3 or 4 or 5. I don't know! More than two, though! It's really up to God. Honestly, I can't handle the emotional/anxiety of being pregnant again. I can ONLY do pregnancy with God's help! I'm terrified otherwise. Also, I should mention that I LOVED being pregnant and that other than the BP issues it was the most wonderful experience in the world and I long to do it again one day! 

And lastly, I'm really gonna' finish now, I want you to know that God is THERE! Even when the night is black, and dark, and no one else is...even when you can't see past the anxiety, fear, trouble, hurt, or pain...God is there! He's right beside you, walking you through your darkest night!  

You're Not Alone - Merdith Andrews

This song pretty much sums up all my feelings looking back on that situation! KNOW that God is with you. He loves you. Adores you.

Darkest Days of My Life...

 The Very FIRST time I looked at my precious baby. I was having a very hard time not balling my eyes out! I couldn't believe I had just pushed that little guy out!!!! This picture means more to me than you can ever know. I know it's gross. There's blood, vernix, all that yucky stuff. But unless you are a mom, you have no idea...

 After some of the darkest hours of my life... reunited with my baby after 36 hours of not seeing him... I'll explain later. You can't tell it, but I'm balling here too.

Having a baby that's jaundice is very common, still doesn't make it less scary to a new parent! We just thought this was so cute!! It gave us something to laugh about when we were so scared for our baby and for myself. 

I wanted to recount my experience before any more time goes by and it's too late to remember all the details. Might take several blog posts, who knows. I really need to clean my house right now, baby's napping, all that good jazz. But I wanna' start telling you my story. I've talked about it before and probably told most of you. But I'm not sure how many people GET the fact that the darkest, scariest time of my life was right after I had my baby. So I'll start at the beginning. 

 I was 37 weeks pregnant and on bedrest. I had PIH - pregnancy induced hypertension. High Blood Pressure. There. I said it. Scariest words ever... for me anyway. Throughout my pregnancy, every time I would go to the doctor they took my BP. (blood pressure). It was always through the roof, because I would get ANXIOUS and NERVOUS and my heart would start to pound outta' my chest. I could feel my BP rising every morning that I had a dr.s appt. What happened was that the first BP I took was 120/80 at 9 weeks. I asked if that was high and the nurse said, "Kinda, but you are probably excited." The next time I went, I got kinda nervous about it, thinking, "Well, what if it's high?" It was 138/80 something... don't remember exactly. And so forth and so forth. It would get higher at each appointment. I started expecting it. Started getting nervous and anxious before each appointment. This is called WHITE COAT syndrome. It's not that my BP ran that high all the time. It's that I ran it up myself thinking about my bp. It's a HORRIBLE catch 22 for me. My mom had very high bp during both her pregnancies and so did my grandmother. So I was terrified about it in the first place. Anyway, the dr. would always lay me on my left side and take it again and it would go back down to a safe or even normal bp. I would monitor my BP at home and it would do the same thing. Actually, at home it was pretty low. I was safe and comfortable. So that's kinda the background... what I'd been dealing with for 9 months. Basically, the biggest fear I had was getting preeclampsia. A synodrome where your blood pressure gets too high and can cause seizure, stroke, blurred vision, kidney failure, etc, etc. It was could HELP disease. Once you have seizures it is called "eclampsia". Needless to say, I didn't wanna' have ANY of that. Several times I saw spots, but I never had any liver pain nor did I get any severe headaches. BUT I am a hypochondriac. SO knowing symptoms for me was the hardest part. I always was terrified that I HAD the symptoms. Back to the story...

Again: 37 weeks and on bedrest. I was on bedrest because towards the end of my pregnancy my BP really did get high and stay high. Not just nerves. Saturday, September 11th, I prayed that I would not go into labor. 9/11 is such an important day in our country's current history, but I didn't want to celebrate my baby's birthday on that day. Kinda sad... but I definitely felt a few minor cramps and thought they were just braxton hicks contractions. I was 36 weeks preggo and new it would be very normal to start having contractions here or there. I'd went to the hospital the previous weekend thinking that my water had broken. They amniosure test that they did said my water had indeed broken and I was in labor and would get to have my baby. Alas, the test lied. I was sent home after an expensive over night stay at the hospital. False alarm. Needless to say, I wasn't in any hurry to go back to the hospital for any false alarms. Sunday, September 12th, I stayed home from church (being on bedrest and all).

That morning I started having contractions. Only, I wasn't sure if they were contractions. They didn't hurt. They felt like slight menstrual cramps. I was expecting like WHOA BABY kinda pain. Oh and spotting. I had spotting. Sorry if you are a guy and reading this: but it's my story and I'm stickin' to it. I called the on-call doctor at my practice and asked her about it. She did NOT tell me I was in labor, but her exact words were, "When your contractions are 3 - 5 minutes apart c'mon in to the hospital." I was kinda wondering what she meant by that. I guess she knew that I was in labor. But I didn't know. Anyway, Sunday I stayed at home all day. I had this gut feeling I was starting labor. I kinda knew it. I got excited and started walking around the house. I fixed my hair. Around 1:00 p.m. contractions came every 3 - 5 minutes. But they didn't hurt. I could talk through them, breathe through them. I kept thinking that if this were the real deal I would feel more. Anyway, by 9 p.m. they started hurting a bit more. Enough that I started trying to talk Calvin to take me to the hospital. He was VERY hesitant to do so. He didn't want to go through all that to have another false alarm. He wanted me to go to bed. I couldn't sleep at this point. I was a good girl and only had a bowl of cereal for dinner, too. At 6 p.m....so I hadn't eaten for three hours. At this point, it really started hurting and still faithfully coming every 3 - 5 minutes. I took a hot shower (so much for fixing my hair and looking cute during labor). By 11:30, I was packing stuff in the car regardless of whether or not Calvin was taking me. At this point, I was having a hard time talking through the contractions. We got to the hospital around midnight (Cal came through for me!). Ha! They checked me into triage, where a labor and delivery nurse decided my BP was 170/110 (through the roof!) and wanted me to stay if only for that reason. They decided I was definitely in active labor though.  BUT after laboring a whole day at home, I was only dilated to 3! Within an hour or so of arriving to the hospital and getting checked in and all the belts and wires and bp cuffs hooked up... I was offered my epidural. They lower BP...no one tells you that. Good thing for me. 

Let me tell you something if you don't already know. EPIDURALS are God's gift to women! I coulda' had ten babies and I still might! haha. I didn't care how big of a needle they stuck in my back, as long as afterwards I was pain free. Which I was. You know, they tell you to sleep in the hospital, but if you are like me and you keep thinking about having to push a baby out in a few hours and not getting around it in any way, there's no way in the world my nervous self could sleep at all. Anyway, I got my epidural around 2 or 3 a.m. OH and I called my mom and told her to come to the hospital and my sweet mom was there ASAP and she held my hand all through the night. I can't tell you how wonderful it is to have a mom do that. So, I "snoozed" (NOT slept), and just waited for the magic number. 10. The big one oh. Pitocin, snoozing, more pitocin. My BP was 130's/80's which was GREAT! Completely under control. Did I mention that I got a hot spot on my right side? The epidural wore off on my right side and I FELT the contractions on that side. It hurt really bad. I can't imagine feeling them on BOTH sides. Finally, it was time to push. I started pushing at 2 p.m. and had David out my 2:20. Woulda' had him out sooner, but we seriously waited for 10 minutes on the dr. Nothing like having a baby crowning and having to WAIT to push. Let me tell you, that did NOT feel good. Pushing itself felt GREAT. It was relief and I am glad I felt the contractions because I knew when to push. 

Anyway, having that baby laid on my chest was the most amazing feeling ever!

I am SO thankful to God to get to be a woman and push out a baby. I'm not gonna' lie. With my BP situation, I was SOOOOOO grateful to have gotten to do a vaginal birth and not have a c-section. I was so PROUD of myself. Little 'ol me pushed a baby out. Couldn't believe it. My baby was finally here. I won't lie here either, the first time I saw him, I thought oh dear he's all smushed and not very pretty.

LOL! I know, horrible, right? I didn't love him any less, I was just thinking it. Anyway, it's amazing the transformation newborns go through because by that night, he became unsmushed and his features were so much prettier! He was beautiful and looked just like his handsome daddy!

So, that's the climactic part of the story. I had my baby. I can't blog anymore right now. I'll tell you more of the story later. The dark part...the part that I don't like to talk about or relive. The part that makes me terrified to have more babies. Keep in touch! ;)

Where Do I Find My Security?

Unshakeable Peace: A devotion by Gwen Smith

              Click on the link above to read the above devotion. At the bottom of the devotion it asks a simple question: What am I putting my faith it? Which caused me to think about where I find my security. What makes me feel peace? Or should I say, a false sense of peace?

           She asked you to read Psalm 16, which is one of my favorites! My favorite verses are 5 and 6. Lord, you have assigned my portion and my cup. You have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places. Surely, I have a delightful inheritance. Italics mine, of course. ;) Can I not just fall out of my chair right now? These adjectives for what God has done for me overwhelm me!!! Before I go forth explaining why I love the verse SO much and why it speaks directly to my soul today, I wanna' tell you what convicted me.

        My false sense of security...? Money. What else? My husband is amazing. He works so hard, went to Vanderbilt and has a great job that he loves and is doing well at. He's a great provider. According to society we are just an average middle class family. But I get to stay at home, feed my baby organic homemade food, and I'm never hungry or poorly clothed. We don't always have the nicest and best things, but we have an abundance of material blessings that we don't really need. Oh, and I get to buy Pampers. Wahoo! Love my fancy diapers. Anyway, I digress. I realized today that there's a part of me, a part that I put blinders on and keep under the surface, that finds peace and security in Calvin's provision for my family.
I know women are supposed to find security in their husband's provision. That's biblical. But I'm talking about the root of it. Deep down. Not just that my husband is a good (NO: GREAT) provider, but the fact that deep down...I love money. Don't you? The root of all kinds of evil.


       By the way, when I say I love money, I'm not talking about the object. I'm talking about what money provides. Security, safety, food, shelter, clothing. All the things we should depend on God for. I'm not talking about the excesses of life: Purses, Cars, Clothes, etc. I love those things, too. But the heart problem...the root. What or Who do I really trust in? You cannot serve both God and Money. I think if you searched your heart deeply enough, you'd probably find the same sin. Alas, I'm not the Holy Spirit and definitely not a finger pointer by all means. I'm just talking human nature here. So, that devotion this morning showed me something about myself. I need to continue to remind myself, that YES my flesh wants to depend and love money and find security in Money, but GOD is my ultimate provider and security! HE has assigned me my portion and my cup. What does that mean? I feel like that means that God has given me my share in life. Everything I have and will have and have ever had came from Him in the first place! Remember? Every good and perfect gift comes to us from God above who created all heavens lights. Unlike them, He never changes or casts shifting shadows! James 1:17 So, God has given my my share in life. My lot. He made me Brittany Nicole Williams Curd, to be wife to Calvin and daughter to Brett and Sherry, Granddaughter to Rose and Buck, Cousin to Ryan and Dana, Mother of David, to live in Hendersonville, TN, to be born into a middle class family, in Nashville, TN in 1986, etc, etc, etc. He mapped out my life. My lot in life is "secure"!

  My favorite line in Psalm 16:5-6: The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places. I love my life and especially that God designed it just for me. No, it's not perfect. But the lines of my life...they are pleasant. It was all apart of His plan for me. He guards all that is mine (the message)!

 
       Lastly, and bestly: Surely, I have a delightful inheritance. Talk about provision. Talk about finding security and peace! My inheritance is God himself! Eternity with God! 1 Peter 1:4 says it like this: and we have a priceless inheritance—an inheritance that is kept in heaven for you, pure and undefiled, beyond the reach of change and decay!


        Unshakeable peace? That can be found in Christ. Unshakeable Security? Also found in Christ. Is there anything you CAN'T find in Him?

Why I LOVE Zephaniah 3:17

Zephaniah 3:17 The LORD your God is with you; the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in His love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing. NIV

Zephaniah 3:17
New Living Translation (NLT)

 17 For the Lord your God is living among you.
      He is a mighty savior.
   He will take delight in you with gladness.
      With his love, he will calm all your fears.[a]
      He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.”

I cannot tell you how much I feel like God has wrote this scripture especially for me! First of all, 3/17 is my birthday. I know it's probably just a coincidence, but I love that little trivial fact. I mean, look up a scripture passage with your birthday and I bet you can find some good ones too. Or maybe not. Anyway, the first line starts out - BOOM - God is with me. He's there. When I cannot feel him, when I'm absolutely totally scared outta' my wits, whether I am EMOTIONALLY connected to God or not... none of that matters. He's there no matter what I "feel" like.  Not only is God there for me no matter what, he is MIGHTY to save me. He's a warrior, ready to fight for me and my honor. Alright, I get a mental image of Braveheart here. A little Mel Gibson, "You can take my land, but you can't take my freedom!" That is true in Christ, as well. But the passion of a warrior...that's the passion God has for me. He is MIGHTY (what a big word) warrior with intentions to save me! Save me from what? My fear, worry, anxiety, hopelessness, bitterness, resentment, anger, etc, etc, etc...

                               I love that after God states clearly that He is with me, He's a passionate warrior ready to fight for my salvation...after all that...he says that he takes great delight in me! He will delight in me with gladness. I now have something to compare that to. My baby, David. I LOVE that kid so much. He's a ten month old bundle of PURE absolute joy! I delight in EVERYTHING he does. I am willing to be a Mighty Warrior, ready to fight for him. I am WITH him. I can understand how God feels about me, way more, now that I have a baby. I feel that way about my baby and I'm just a human. How much MORE can God, who is flawless, feel that way about me? The thought is overwhelming.

The next line in the New Living Translation is the #1 reason I am in love with this verse. With His love, he will calm all my fears. I've spent SO much of my life (even and especially as a little girl) being scared, terrified, anxious. I've always dealt with fear, my fatal flaw. Satan gets me that way. He knows I'm prone to it. He knows how to attack. So, to know that God will calm all of my fears with His love...it's like an ocean of peace settles all the billowing winds of my heart. It's a beautiful picture of stillness I have in my mind when I think about God ...very gently...coming up and using his love to just say, "Peace be still." Calm. The winds and the rain immediately obey and my heart is still. God is the maker of peace, the author and perfecter of peace. With His love, He will calm all my fears. When I was at the end of my pregnancy, I was dealing with High Blood Pressure, dangerously high, constantly TERRIFIED of stroke or seizure. Just not knowing what the outcome was going to be... my heart was in complete turmoil all the time. I didn't FEEL like His love would ever calm my fears. That's where my faith had to come in. I knew God would heal me, in His time and His way, despite whether or not I FELT it.

The last part of this verse I also love. You see, music is very important to me as it is to you, I'm sure. It's ALWAYS a medium that speaks straight to my soul. God knows that, and that's one of the reasons we worship Him through music. He created melodies that would touch our heart, harmonies that would speak straight to our souls, and chords that would make us cry. He gave us music as a gift because God is the creator of Romance, love, passion, and all the emotions you and I don't give him credit for. He is the giver of music. He SINGS over me songs of peace, songs of deliverance, songs of joy! What a great and Mighty God that would be 1)WITH me 2)my Mighty Savior 3)Take GREAT Delight in me 4)Calm all my fears 5) Rejoice over me with singing!

Praying that you realize how much this verse can mean in YOUR life, too!

Kari Jobe's My Beloved:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hQRgyr5uko

Hillsong's Mighty to Save:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sR8rlTIU8_Y

Happy Independence Day!

 We MATCH!

 You know me, I have to post about my food! These are homemade white chocolate macadamia nut cookies. I got the White Chocolate from Whole Foods, so it was that gourmet stuff! They were so delicious, I ate them all myself.

 Rotel, classic party dip!

 We have burgers and hot dogs, baked beans (thank you S & C), grilled corn with chili butter and fresca cheese, chips and dip, brownies with banana cream cheese icing, and BBQ Chicken Wings!

 Kel holding the babies!

 Kim, Shelly, and Hannah!

 Me, Shelly, and Hannah!

 Charlie is doing my grilling! haha! Thanks Charlie!

 Tommy is helping out with the grilling too!

 Pretty pics of Stacia and Charlie!

 What beautiful girls, I dare say? haha!

 Kim and I!

 David got to eat green beans! Poor little guy, no cheeseburgers for you just yet!

 The Taylor clan came and Heather's mom was in town! This is Mrs. Pat and Paige.

 Heather and two or her three children! Nathan and Natalie!

 JoJo and Nathan!

 Paige with her Grandmother.

 Joanna holding baby David! She has three of her own kids.

 This was July 3rd. David and I are dressed up for church.

I had a great fourth of July weekend that included friends, family, and pool time! I am SOOO blessed to have wonderful people in my life who love me and care for me and my family! We are  blessed to Independence in our country (even if it's slowly being taken away) to worship Christ and worship freely. I'm constantly reminded of the real freedom I have in Christ. This world can anything they want to me, including kill me, but they can't take away my faith in Jesus nor my eternal life!

Vacation Bible School

 Just because it's soooo funny!

 David playing in the nursery at his very first VBS at FBCJoelton! He's so happy!

 Hannah and I organized and worked in the Teacher's Snack Room! All the workers come here for food and refreshment. It was a BUSY job, completely nonstop, but I can't complain! We got to eat and work with FOOD! Surprisingly enough, I didn't gain any weight that week, but I didn't lose anymore either. Ha. I enjoyed working with Hannah! We are both very loud and outgoing, but we both love Christ.

 D in the nursery.

 I don't know what day this was, but we decorated the room and played swing music and wore aprons! The VBS theme was the Big Apple. So we tried to think of things that went with New York!

 David and Sarah are for sure getting to be close friends! David gets so excited when he sees Sarah, and he loves her! Hannah and I love to listen to their hilarious conversations with each other.

 I don't know, just playing in the nursery I guess.

If I was lucky I got to come visit David in the nursery for a few minutes! It was nice to see my boy!