Everybody has their bent. Their thing. That things that sends them into a tizzy, a panic, a flat out heart attack. That kind of thing. What's mine? Blood Pressure. Heck, all I have to do is walk by one of these babies and my BP shoots through the roof. It all started with a bout of preeclampsia during/after pregnancy. But now I have a serious problem. A huge, big, massive problem.
I've dealt with fear and anxiety since I was a little girl. Mostly in the form of hypochondria. Always scared of germs and diseases, I did everything I could to avoid certain foods, people, places, and things. Which made it pretty tough on my mom and dad when I would call them at work crying and swearing up and down that I had contracted the Ebola virus! Some adult (I credit them for changing my life in a NOT so good way) let me watch an episode of the Oprah show when I was in the 1st or 2nd grade. The episode was ALL about severe, even deadly cases, of salmonila contracted through beef or chicken. For the the next two or three years I think the only things I ate were chicken (after I examined EACH bite VERY carefully making sure there was NO red or any spots or ANYTHING unusual), cheese, and potatoes, a few other unhealthy things that couldn't really go bad. I gave my parents SUCH a hard a time with food. I don't know if they understood that a lot of it was about anxiety, not finickiness.
As I've grown into adulthood, I'd like to think of myself as more logical and my mind a bit more sound. I've outgrown some of my fears and anxieties only to replace them with new ones. My repertoire of food has grown tremendously although I still have my fears about meat. But as an adult, I have logic and reasoning to help me overcome my silly fears. I also have Jesus! :)
Over the years I have often thought that if I didn't have Jesus, I wouldn't make it very long in dealing with fear and anxiety. He comforts me and calms me and sends His peace!
So, back to the blood pressure thing? I have a serious problem. Anyone who's halfway decent friends with me knows that I am passionate about children and having lots of babies! But honestly, after dealing with what I went through during my first pregnancy, I can honestly say that I am terrified to have more kids. To get sick. To even have to go to the doctor. All of these things are issues that would cause me to get my BP taken. The idea of having my BP taken by a medical professional puts my stomach in knots. It used to be that I could take my BP here at home and it would be fine. Not anymore. Just Friday morning, I spent an hour trying to take my BP trying to calm down enough to get it normal. If I lay on my left side it's like 114/60. I keep thinking that doesn't count though because at the dr.'s office they measure it sitting up. So I sit up, go into complete panic and it shoots up to 140's/80's! I can't even calm down long enough to get it down anymore. I used to always get it down to 120/80's. I've given myself brittany-coat syndrome! (For those of you who don't get my ridiculously corny joke, I'm saying that I've gone BEYOND white coat syndrome which is fear of doctors and medical professionals taking your BP).
I don't really want to go into the details of my BP taking. It's pathetic and gets pretty ridiculous. I never even cared before I had a baby. I am just asking you all to pray with me and join me in helping to tackle this ridiculous fear of something that doesn't even hurt! My devotional today talked about how we fight not against flesh and BLOOD (pressure), but against powers and principalities and evil forces in the heavenly realms. That scripture spoke straight to my soul this morning. I am always looking into the near future and thinking about when we might have another baby. I read this morning where Jesus tells us NOT to worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow has it's own set of problems. Where am I at today (not yesterday)? And from where I'm sitting, today is lookin' pretty darn good! :)
I realize that panic, fear, and anxiety are a thorn in my flesh. They always have been and as long as I live in this earthly body I'll probably always deal with moments of crippling fear. God knows I have a bent towards pride and self-dependance. So I thank Him that, even though I pray and plead and beg Him to take away my thorn, He always keeps me reliant and pleading for His peace! I will praise Him in the storm.
Anyway, I'm asking for you to commit to praying with me that I can conquer this fear. I CANNOT go through life being afraid of doctors or medical help. At some point in my life, I will need medical attention. :) Hope it's later rather than sooner! I am also willing to commit with you to pray for your hot button! I would love for you to comment and tell me about the things that push your buttons and get you all worked up! What are some things that stress you out and/or cause you to panic?
Lastly, and most importantly, I want to encourage you (and me)! There are several verses I have memorized that always help. Here they are:
God did not give me a spirit of fear, but of POWER, LOVE, and a SOUND MIND!
1 Timothy 1:7
Perfect Love casts out ALL fear, for fear brings torment. If we fear, it is for fear of judgment and this shows His love is not being perfected in us.
1 John 4:18
For God did not give us a spirit of bondage again to fear, but a spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, "Abba Father!" Romans 8:15
When I am afraid, I will trust in You.
Psalm 56:3
The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear?
Psalm 27:1
And SOOO many more! God's Word is full of peace and sound mind! Let's commit to pray together! How can I pray for you?
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